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I
want to share a story with you that makes me feel just a little bit of
pain every time I read it.
As
a father, a teacher, and a husband, I have often found myself in a
situation where I “failed to see the cake” and I know I missed out on
some pretty special moments.
No
matter what role you find yourself in, there will be times when you too
may “miss the cake” if you focus on the wrong things. As we move
forward into a new school year, let’s remember that we are all going to
experience times when it is easy to see the “mess”, but life will be
so much more enjoyable if we make sure we focus on the cake.
The
Cake, by Joseph Walker:
Cindy glanced nervously at the clock on the kitchen wall. Five
minutes before
midnight
. Her parents were expected to arrive home any minute.
She carefully put the finishing touches on the chocolate cake she was
frosting. It was the first time in her 12 years that she had tried to make
a cake from scratch, and to be honest, it wasn’t exactly a culinary
triumph. The cake was lumpy and because she had run out of sugar, the
frosting was bitter.
And then there was the way the kitchen looked. Imagine a huge
blender filled with all of the fixings for chocolate cake - including the
requisite bowls, pans and utensils. Now imagine that the blender is turned
on - high speed - with the lid off. Do you get the idea?
But Cindy wasn’t thinking about the mess. She had created
something which was special to her - a masterpiece of flour and sugar
rising out of the kitchen clutter. She was anxious for her parents to
return home from their date so she could present her anniversary gift to
them. She turned off the kitchen lights and waited excitedly in the
darkness for them to arrive. When at last she saw the flash of the car
headlights, she positioned herself in the kitchen doorway. By the time she
heard the key sliding into the front door, she was on the verge of
exploding and couldn’t wait to share her excitement.
Her parents tried to slip in quietly, but Cindy would have none of
that. She flipped on the lights dramatically and trumpeted: “Ta-daaaaa!”
She gestured grandly toward the kitchen table, where a slightly
off-balance, two-layer chocolate cake awaited their inspection.
But her mother’s eyes never made it all the way to the table.
“Just look at this mess!” she moaned. “How many times have I
talked to you about cleaning up after yourself?”
“But Mom, I was only...”
“I should make you clean this up right now, but I’m too tired
to stay up with you to make sure you get it done right,” her mother said
angrily. “So you’ll get up early and do it first thing in the
morning.”
“Honey,” Cindy’s father interjected gently, “take a look at
the table.”
“I know! It’s a mess!” his wife said coldly. “The whole
kitchen is a disaster. I can’t stand to look at it.” She stormed up
the stairs and into her room, slamming the door shut behind her.
For a few moments, Cindy and her father stood silently, neither one
knowing what to say. At last she looked up at him, her eyes moist and red.
“She never saw the cake,” she said.
TRY
TO SEE THE CAKE YOUR STUDENTS ARE TRYING TO BAKE AND NOT THE MESS
While it is true that our children all need to learn to be
responsible and suffer the consequences of their actions, parents must
never lose sight of the fact that even though things like muddy shoes,
lost money, dented fenders, and messy kitchens are frustrating, they are
not worth the sacrifice of a person’s dignity and feelings. It is my
sincere hope that my own children have learned from watching my wife and
I, that when they become parents themselves, they must never lose sight of
the fact that there are things in this life that may seem important right
now - but at the end of the day they are not worth damaging a
relationship. After all, what’s a little mud, a broken object, lost
money or torn clothing compared to a child’s self-esteem. You can clean
up the mud, replace the broken object, live without the money and fix the
clothing, but any damage you do to a relationship or to someone’s
self-esteem will last forever.
The same can be said about teachers. Your students will make a
"mess" at times while they are trying to experiment with
projects and assignments in order to seek your approval. It is easy for us
to be critical of the work of children. Ask a child to write an essay and
we can find dozens of mistakes to point out. We can even demand that the
student do the work over again. But we must always take time and care to
"see the good points" or we will "miss the cake" and
our critical comments will "destroy" the teacher-pupil
relationship that is so very important for learning to take place.
REMEMBER
THIS WHEN YOU ARE MARKING STUDENT WORK
The
next time you are about to mark a student's assignment, take a moment to
re-read this article again or at least recall the feeling of the young
girl in the story, Cindy, as she waited in anticipation for her parents to
come home. Many of your students are waiting in anticipation of you to
read their assignment. They have worked hard to do this assignment for you
and they may not have paid much attention to the "mess" they
were making. It is the "content" they want you to see. It is the
"cake" they want you to see.
There
are times in our life when perhaps it is all right to see the mess in the
kitchen.
And
there are times when we only need to see the cake.
It is a wise teacher who knows
the difference. |
