We’re Raising Children, Not Flowers.

Editorial by Robert Kirwan

   One of my favourite days of the year is Fathers’ Day. This is the one day of the year when children usually go out of their way to buy a gift, make a phone call or do something special with their Father.
  
   For me, this day has always allowed me to spend time reflecting upon the tremendous responsibility I took on when I became a father. My children did not ask to come into this world. They did not select me as their father. They had no choice in the matter. They were forced to be my children and now their own children are forced into being my grandchildren.

   That is why I always consider Fathers’ Day as a special day in the year when I should be doing something special with my children; a day when I should be looking for ways to show my appreciation for what my children have meant to me over the years. It is also a day when I sometimes look back in time and realize that I wasn’t always as good a father as I should have been.  

   Unfortunately, fathers are not always completely sensitive to the needs of their children. Most of us would never do anything to deliberately hurt our children, but sometimes we just don’t realize how our actions or inactions are being perceived by our sons and daughters.

   For example, take the story of Howard, a man who thought he was in tune with the times. When his four-year old son David acquired a taste for “The Three Little Pigs” and demanded that his father read it to him night after night, Howard took action. He purchased a child’s easy-to-use tape recorder and read the story onto tape for him.

   The next time David asked for the story to be read, Howard switched on the recorder. David was fascinated at the novelty of his father’s voice reading his favorite book from a ‘machine’. The following night when he asked for “Free Li’l Pigs”, Howard went a step further. He showed David how to work the playback on the recorder for himself.

   The following evening, when David arrived and pushed the storybook at him, Howard said, “Now, David, you know how to turn on the recorder.” He smiled and said sweetly but insistently, “Yes.” Then he added, “But I can’t sit on its lap.” Needless to say the tape recorder was placed in storage after that.

   Take another story about a father who once had a job that required extensive travel. After a long trip, his wife and four children would meet him at the door with loving hugs and kisses. After one such joyful homecoming, he was playing with his youngest child and he asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up? The child responded without hesitation, “A pilot.”

   “Why a pilot?” the father asked a bit surprised.

   His son looked at him and replied, “So I can spend more time with you.”

   Shortly thereafter the father took on a position in his company that required far less travel.

   Every father’s day I always remember one afternoon when I was raking leaves in the back yard. My three sons were playing soccer on the grass and then decided to jump on the piles of leaves that I had worked so hard to rake up. Instead of scolding them for their actions, I simply watched them play, reminded about the story of the young father who was teaching his son how to push a lawn mower. The father turned away to talk to his wife and his son accidentally pushed the mower right through the flower bed. When the father began to yell at his child, his wife reminded him, “Remember, we’re raising children, not flowers.”

   We still have the picture of the boys playing in those leaves. It is hanging up in the house where I can see it every day to remind me that I am raising children, not flowers.

   In closing, there are two things that I wish I would have learned earlier in life, and each year I use this column to pass this message along to all of the young fathers out there. First, don’t ever feel that spending time with your children is less important than anything else you have to do in your life. Absolutely nothing is more important than spending time, even if it is just for a few moments with your children. Secondly, never pass up an opportunity to make your children realize that you are extremely proud to be their father.
  
   Have a good week!